Storm Surf

Clickity Click

We took a detour into Venice Beach this morning to get a first hand look at the record breaking waves. SPECTACULAR! Several minutes before we arrived, the bathroom on the pier fell off. Insane. Glad i got to see something once-in-a-decade-ish...

Clueless

As social beings, we have a carnal, biologically conditioned need to test the people within our social orbit. While the idea might be a bit trite, or even an idea lacking cohesiveness, you must concede that I am not wrong in believing that it has almost become mandatory to turn almost everyone around us into our own personal lab-rats.

We “test” to confirm or reject our doubt in a person and the relationship between us and that person. And we conduct such “tests” by extracting/invoking a level of rise from our clueless subjects.

The “rise” is our method of measure. The inches and meters that magnify both an emotional unrest in activity vs. indolent emotional idleness. A measure conduced by the binary emotions of good and bad, which aid our swim into epistemological conclusiveness: yes you are devoted to me. yes you are my friend. yes you love me. or.. no, you don’t. You have failed my test. My doubt in you has been confirmed. Ennui.

At age 10, we tested our best girlfriends based on whether or not they saved us a seat in the great hall, & if they chose to stand beside you during a playground tiff. Some passed. Some failed. At 16 we tested our parents by pushing the limits: even if I know I’m to be home no later than 12am, what will they do if I stay out past 3am? At 17 we tested our boyfriends by hanging up on them during the peak of a heated argument to see if they would call back right away.. or not.

I promise that I'm not really this cynical. I just got to thinking that, basically, BS happens ~ and we want to see who's going to put up with ours.

Engaged!

After months of sneaking around preparing for the big day ~ it has finally come and gone! My best mate proposed to his girlfriend on friday at Disneyland... CONGRATULATIONS YOU SCHMOE!

Ecstacy

After nearly passing out post-myfirstfieldlossreport in the high desert, I popped in two advils and a cold shower to prepare myself for the drive to MOCA. I've been waiting months to see the ecstacy exhibit since reading about it in the times!

It was aesthetically pleasing and "visually complex".

Pretending not to hear a worker tell the woman beside us "ABSOLUTELY NO PICTURES," Andrew - in full blown stealth mode - hid behind a shroom & snapped away.. only to have the shutter sound go off and give us away. We got in mad trouble.. BUT we got a picture!!! weeee..

Anniversary

“December 11th..” she thought. What about this date seems eerily familiar?

She scanned one page.. two pages.. and then stopped. She realized what it was she was reading, and forced herself to cloak her eyes from the sheer cruelty of those words. It’s become easy to hide behind laughter, change, and time – but that did not mean that she was ready to examine what exactly happened on that night; even if the earthly, humanly part of her sought some sort of resolution.

Those words did not reek of insincerity save they were malicious in result. Those words, both said and written, felt so sadistic, so much so that she could almost taste their mercilessness. Her chest, while pounding with wild gesticulations, felt almost vacuous ~ an aftershock of all that had happened, making her feel the bit most insignificant. But she would not, could not, let the recollection of one night, go ebbing away at her spirit.

A Post Without Substance

not out of malice, malevolence, ill will, or spite..

not out of shock, epiphany, or self definition..

it's just, sometimes, i have the most peculiar desire to..

shave my head.. just because.

Daniel Siegel – In Your Eyes

[I haven't had much material to reflect upon or to write about as I am currently not obsessing over any one thing or any one person. I've been emotionally sound/fixed/constant within the recent months ~ and we all know that emotional stability is NOT the best resource for a borderline psychotic blog entry drafted into graceful words. eh. BUT I did manage to dream about the last guy to sweep me off of my feet ~ which knocked me over reeeealll hard. and well, that gave me something to write about.]

I had a very intoxicating dream last night. A very heady dream. It wasn’t the first of its kind. It follows a line of many that have managed to ambush my psyche within the passing months. They showcase the same character over and over and over. Sometimes the dreams are good, sometimes they are bad. Regardless the outcome, I am always eager to pen every fine detail of any dream with the presence of this particular person.

What? Write down my dreams? Perhaps I am preparing for the day when I find myself detatched from the emotional baggage of today, and am wise enough to look back in an attempt to piece together that which I cannot begin to understand right now. The feelings may still be too raw for me to digest. Maybe in a year, two years, three years.. I will have taken my head out of the clouds and onto a surface where I am able to see a bit more clearly.

Or perhaps it is my goal to never forget the sheer cruelty of these dreams ~ even the good ones that seem grandiose on a scale of pleasure.

Every dream involving said person feels so real. But this dream ~ this particular dream was warm. Warm like a familiar embrace encompassing everything graceful in the world. An addictive embrace that made my real-world body beg for complete silence in the room ~ as to not awaken me from the trance-like sublime. Because it would be fact, and not a “maybe”, that upon opening my eyes, I would be embracing that which has turned into dust.

Dreams, daydreams, whatever ~ I have to ration myself and regulate my capacity to out-dream. Because when we fall out of trance, we realize that our dreams also fall ~ fall flat of the truth. And what we hoped to be true gradually fades to black.

So, as I do every night, I pray for Sand Man to take him out of my dreams. For when I lie here in bed, the only thing I should be kissing is the sky.