He started to walk away but came back. Steadily cupping his coffee mug with both hands, words began to spew from his mouth without haste. She reached out her hand as a sign of respect and welcome, and it may have been his wet hand that grasped her own that drew her to him for the very first time.
What continued to draw her to him? Was it the set of piercing blue eyes that made it hard for her to stay sober, and easy for her to lose herself completely, for no particular reason save that they were such kind eyes? Or was it his geeky, quiet confidence that shined through in the way that he would look at her and walk away? Was it his sloppy hair or wrinkled shirt? The sleepy in his eyes… or again, just the blue?
She hated that she was hopelessly and undeniably attracted to him. Her cheeks flushed and she felt ashamed that he haunted her mind, now more than ever.
Her thoughts had betrayed her. What she wanted to feel and what she was actually feeling collided in disagreement. She wanted the flush of her cheeks to turn pale, but the thought of his kind eyes kept on pulling her back to that magnetic other.
She sat there, cold. She tried hard to preoccupy her mind with the unimportant; but she knew that there was no use. She threw her hands up in defeat. Her fragile disposition almost could not handle such deafening prose… enough, she said. Enough.
His blue eyes, sloppy hair, wrinkled shirt, and the geeky, quiet confidence radiating from the way that he would look at her and walk away ~ began to form the silhouette of a goodbye.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Sunday, January 8, 2006
Some Things
RIP my Averatec laptop which wasn't even 2 years old. You saw the world with me...
There's a scene in the movie Closer where Jude Law tells Natalie Portman of his love affair with Julia Roberts. As Natalie begins to leave the flat in which they shared, he desperately tries to stop her and asks, "what about your things?" She replies...
"I don't need things"
How bold. How profound that statement is.
I have a HUGE tupperware bin in the garage, safeguarding all of the tangible, sentimental goods I have accumulated during my mere twenty two years on earth (or at least the first 18). I still have the clacker (??) toy that Michael Wiley gave me in the fourth grade. Remember those clacker toys ~ cheap little toys ~ where you spun it round and round in one hand letting one ball hit the other ball over and over in the most perpetual of motions? The oranges and greens of that toy scream joyous of times at the tender age of nine. Where is Michael Wiley now? I hope he's had a good life. The clay figurine I made in Ms. Vaughn's 7th grade English class also sits in that bin ~ and I DO mean sit because I couldn't get the man-mold to stand upright, so I had to bend his legs just before the clay dried. Almost every single handwritten letter ever given to me too lies in that bin ~ with the M&M wrappers I collected in the 10th grade, dried rose petals my brother once placed in my room (no, they weren't dry then!), and even the momentos given to me by my first real love. This bin basically encapsulates who I was... am.
So they may be just "THINGS"... but they're my things. And with all of the goodbyes I will be forced to experience in life, it feels so soothing to know that there are just some things I will never have to let go of.
There's a scene in the movie Closer where Jude Law tells Natalie Portman of his love affair with Julia Roberts. As Natalie begins to leave the flat in which they shared, he desperately tries to stop her and asks, "what about your things?" She replies...
"I don't need things"
How bold. How profound that statement is.
I have a HUGE tupperware bin in the garage, safeguarding all of the tangible, sentimental goods I have accumulated during my mere twenty two years on earth (or at least the first 18). I still have the clacker (??) toy that Michael Wiley gave me in the fourth grade. Remember those clacker toys ~ cheap little toys ~ where you spun it round and round in one hand letting one ball hit the other ball over and over in the most perpetual of motions? The oranges and greens of that toy scream joyous of times at the tender age of nine. Where is Michael Wiley now? I hope he's had a good life. The clay figurine I made in Ms. Vaughn's 7th grade English class also sits in that bin ~ and I DO mean sit because I couldn't get the man-mold to stand upright, so I had to bend his legs just before the clay dried. Almost every single handwritten letter ever given to me too lies in that bin ~ with the M&M wrappers I collected in the 10th grade, dried rose petals my brother once placed in my room (no, they weren't dry then!), and even the momentos given to me by my first real love. This bin basically encapsulates who I was... am.
So they may be just "THINGS"... but they're my things. And with all of the goodbyes I will be forced to experience in life, it feels so soothing to know that there are just some things I will never have to let go of.
Monday, January 2, 2006
2006
God has a funny sense of humor.
I revisit the day I pressed my belly to the desk, preparing myself to peruse the web journal of a fellow peer. I sat there for a moment and mentally debated on how I would react if I were to encounter a particularly unfavorable blanket of thoughts; and in the midst of deciding whether or not I was to proceed, my laptop crashed without warning, protecting me from any anguish I was to endure upon myself. I’ve never visited the journal since.
Whether or not such instances are in fact supernaturally induced signs from a higher being, I will always choose to believe that they occur for specific purposes ~ to steer me into a direction I would not have otherwise chosen to embark upon.
And all of these signs have left me onto the very platform I stand tall upon today. Today! The infant break of a new year! And as I celebrate each and every day that I am gratefully blessed with, I am so anticipated to discover all the promises of tomorrow.
2005 was a great year.
*I developed more close (and real) friendships this year than any other year beforehand, and you can’t imagine how thankful I am to be cloaked by an amazingly diverse group of people. They all feed my soul in different ways. I am certain that as time continues to progress, they will all grow to become a great network of support that will define the rest of my days.
*I glowed in the warmth of my solitude and learned precisely what I expected out of myself, learning all of my capacities.
2005, though emotionally uneventful (and we all know I crave the extremes), was overall very good.
2006 gon’ be tiiiiight.
I shiver at what ecstasy I may experience in the coming year. Here’s to carpe diem. Cling steadfastly to your memories and stop dreaming your perfect fairy tail, live it.
I revisit the day I pressed my belly to the desk, preparing myself to peruse the web journal of a fellow peer. I sat there for a moment and mentally debated on how I would react if I were to encounter a particularly unfavorable blanket of thoughts; and in the midst of deciding whether or not I was to proceed, my laptop crashed without warning, protecting me from any anguish I was to endure upon myself. I’ve never visited the journal since.
Whether or not such instances are in fact supernaturally induced signs from a higher being, I will always choose to believe that they occur for specific purposes ~ to steer me into a direction I would not have otherwise chosen to embark upon.
And all of these signs have left me onto the very platform I stand tall upon today. Today! The infant break of a new year! And as I celebrate each and every day that I am gratefully blessed with, I am so anticipated to discover all the promises of tomorrow.
2005 was a great year.
*I developed more close (and real) friendships this year than any other year beforehand, and you can’t imagine how thankful I am to be cloaked by an amazingly diverse group of people. They all feed my soul in different ways. I am certain that as time continues to progress, they will all grow to become a great network of support that will define the rest of my days.
*I glowed in the warmth of my solitude and learned precisely what I expected out of myself, learning all of my capacities.
2005, though emotionally uneventful (and we all know I crave the extremes), was overall very good.
2006 gon’ be tiiiiight.
I shiver at what ecstasy I may experience in the coming year. Here’s to carpe diem. Cling steadfastly to your memories and stop dreaming your perfect fairy tail, live it.
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