Monday, February 20, 2006
"Do It Yourself"
It’s occurred to me that in the recent months, I’ve pushed myself to become as self-sufficient as I could possibly be. Perhaps it was a product of my strong sense of independence, or maybe of my eagerness to prove to myself that I had it all together.
As I slowly tied up the loose ends of 2005, I realized how unbelievably driven I was by the idea of being successful. I finally had a good career that provided me with the sort of stability and resources I wanted for myself and for my future. I strongly felt that I was capable of doing absolutely everything on my own. I was competitive. I was ready to conquer whatever tasks were placed before me, formally and informally.
Quickly I learned that I was limiting my potential by not identifying and embracing those in my environment who had treasure troves of qualities that could help expand my world and vision. I learned that I could not achieve everything I wanted simply by deciding that I could do it all by myself. In a sense, I was allowing myself to be held prisoner by my “do it myself” kind of attitude. I realized that I could achieve more and learn more by reaching out to the caring hands that were willing to guide me onto a steady harbor. I was trying to achieve, alone, that which I could redeem in half the time with help from people around me; and it was during that epiphany where I realized that I could control how big I chose to make my world… simply by the amount of people I allowed into my life ~ I mean, really allowed into my life.
As I slowly tied up the loose ends of 2005, I realized how unbelievably driven I was by the idea of being successful. I finally had a good career that provided me with the sort of stability and resources I wanted for myself and for my future. I strongly felt that I was capable of doing absolutely everything on my own. I was competitive. I was ready to conquer whatever tasks were placed before me, formally and informally.
Quickly I learned that I was limiting my potential by not identifying and embracing those in my environment who had treasure troves of qualities that could help expand my world and vision. I learned that I could not achieve everything I wanted simply by deciding that I could do it all by myself. In a sense, I was allowing myself to be held prisoner by my “do it myself” kind of attitude. I realized that I could achieve more and learn more by reaching out to the caring hands that were willing to guide me onto a steady harbor. I was trying to achieve, alone, that which I could redeem in half the time with help from people around me; and it was during that epiphany where I realized that I could control how big I chose to make my world… simply by the amount of people I allowed into my life ~ I mean, really allowed into my life.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Lola
I tried my very best to tip-toe down the long hallway in an effort to minimize the amount of noise projected by the clash of tile flooring and my high-heeled sling backs. It was only 4:00pm but I knew that by then, she’d already be in bed. It smelled like old people. I hated that smell. Not because it smelled bad, per say, but because it reminded me that Lola was old.
She had been “old” all of my life; old but strong. It wasn’t until her mind was claimed by Alzheimer’s disease when her body began to slowly shut down. I embrace fond memories of her walking up a one mile hill to drop off and pick up my brother and I from elementary school ~ umbrella and water bottle in hand. I remember the rice crispy treats that she used to make every so often, and the home-made ice pops from kool-aid mixes and orange juice awaiting my arrival after school.
Lying in her bed, I caressed her forehead and kissed her over and over again. I reminded her who I was, what my name was, and how my father was her son, Leo. I told her about my new job and how I’m all grown up now ~ and that it was all because of her help during my childhood. I thanked her. Instead of replying “You’re welcome,” she would shout “Thank you!” right back to me. I told her I loved her and told her to rest her eyes so that her headache would go away. “I love you too,” came leaping off of her tongue until she finally rested her head down to rest. Then I left so that she could sleep. Like countless times before, I couldn’t help but to succumb to tears when walking out of her room.
It’s painful to see the cycle of life taking its toll on my Lola… because I have so much love for her ~ even if I fail to visit her often, the love is there.
I can almost guarantee that she won’t remember I went to visit her, or that I’ve been there many times before. But if I could make her happy for the few moments I get to spend with her during my visits, that time I spend beside her is worth every second. I’ll admit, however, that my visits are mostly selfish. I do it mostly for me… so that I can spend as much time with her as possible. I want to tell her that I love her, and thank her over and over and over for being such a driving force in my life… before God decides it’s time to make room for another blessed Angel.
She had been “old” all of my life; old but strong. It wasn’t until her mind was claimed by Alzheimer’s disease when her body began to slowly shut down. I embrace fond memories of her walking up a one mile hill to drop off and pick up my brother and I from elementary school ~ umbrella and water bottle in hand. I remember the rice crispy treats that she used to make every so often, and the home-made ice pops from kool-aid mixes and orange juice awaiting my arrival after school.
Lying in her bed, I caressed her forehead and kissed her over and over again. I reminded her who I was, what my name was, and how my father was her son, Leo. I told her about my new job and how I’m all grown up now ~ and that it was all because of her help during my childhood. I thanked her. Instead of replying “You’re welcome,” she would shout “Thank you!” right back to me. I told her I loved her and told her to rest her eyes so that her headache would go away. “I love you too,” came leaping off of her tongue until she finally rested her head down to rest. Then I left so that she could sleep. Like countless times before, I couldn’t help but to succumb to tears when walking out of her room.
It’s painful to see the cycle of life taking its toll on my Lola… because I have so much love for her ~ even if I fail to visit her often, the love is there.
I can almost guarantee that she won’t remember I went to visit her, or that I’ve been there many times before. But if I could make her happy for the few moments I get to spend with her during my visits, that time I spend beside her is worth every second. I’ll admit, however, that my visits are mostly selfish. I do it mostly for me… so that I can spend as much time with her as possible. I want to tell her that I love her, and thank her over and over and over for being such a driving force in my life… before God decides it’s time to make room for another blessed Angel.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
New Neighbor Orientation
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."
- Epicurus (341 B.C. - 270 B.C.) Greek Philosopher
- Epicurus (341 B.C. - 270 B.C.) Greek Philosopher
I’m still not sure what tone I want to convey within this entry, but I can’t continue without first stating how unbelievably blessed I feel to be who I am, and to have what I have.
It was only a few years ago when I dreamt of being a big-shot business woman - and now I am writing about the amazing experience of having successfully completed my very first extended stay business trip.
My six colleagues and I didn’t really know what to expect out of our multi-hour drive into a remote (but growing!) town amongst the fields of central Cali. We knew we were doing something right when we each got our own keys to a deluxe suite in the booming Stockdale district of Bakersfield - complete with living room, dining area, kitchen, and separate bedroom equipped with an inviting king sized bed and two TV’s. If that wasn’t enough already, the newspaper at my front door every morning just threw me over the moon!
I tell you, my body didn't know how to react to all of that space reserved just for me. Best of all, my room number was 214... like Valentine's day. *SMILE*
Never mind the long orientations and meetings, what I appreciated most about this trip was the networking opportunities I was able to take advantage of while I was there. I met a handful of amazing people who share a similar drive to succeed in our given industry, and I can’t even begin to tell you how I fell in love with most of the people I met. I was so sad to go!
I always knew that I was working for a great company (fortune 500 and their pick for one of the best co's to work for!), but now I’m reassured that over time, I will fall in love with all that the enterprise has to offer.
Here are my favorite pictures from the four day event…
Photo: The pre-trip luncheon.
Photo: Mexican dining...
Photo: Why do all my pictures involve food?
Photo: Saying our goodbyes!
2/16/2006
I'm back from my trip.
Between family, friends, and all expense paid business trips (bite me), it’s safe to boldly state: the months pass too quickly.
Even now as I try to keep up with the collision of bubbling joy and boiling irate moments, I feel as though my words are stifled and forcibly propelled ~ coming off as grade-school doodle, scrawled and scattered across a plane of meaningless pages. With every taken breath, my lifeline of rapid thoughts and wishes are too much to even be uttered on this here platform. It’s difficult to construct a lyrical prose to project a striking reflection of my innermost thoughts that trace the very pattern of my life ~ the way it is right now, this very moment. So much has happened, yet not so much. My words are fragments of my road less taken… too raw to be fused together.
Between family, friends, and all expense paid business trips (bite me), it’s safe to boldly state: the months pass too quickly.
Even now as I try to keep up with the collision of bubbling joy and boiling irate moments, I feel as though my words are stifled and forcibly propelled ~ coming off as grade-school doodle, scrawled and scattered across a plane of meaningless pages. With every taken breath, my lifeline of rapid thoughts and wishes are too much to even be uttered on this here platform. It’s difficult to construct a lyrical prose to project a striking reflection of my innermost thoughts that trace the very pattern of my life ~ the way it is right now, this very moment. So much has happened, yet not so much. My words are fragments of my road less taken… too raw to be fused together.
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