Lola

I tried my very best to tip-toe down the long hallway in an effort to minimize the amount of noise projected by the clash of tile flooring and my high-heeled sling backs. It was only 4:00pm but I knew that by then, she’d already be in bed. It smelled like old people. I hated that smell. Not because it smelled bad, per say, but because it reminded me that Lola was old.

She had been “old” all of my life; old but strong. It wasn’t until her mind was claimed by Alzheimer’s disease when her body began to slowly shut down. I embrace fond memories of her walking up a one mile hill to drop off and pick up my brother and I from elementary school ~ umbrella and water bottle in hand. I remember the rice crispy treats that she used to make every so often, and the home-made ice pops from kool-aid mixes and orange juice awaiting my arrival after school.

Lying in her bed, I caressed her forehead and kissed her over and over again. I reminded her who I was, what my name was, and how my father was her son, Leo. I told her about my new job and how I’m all grown up now ~ and that it was all because of her help during my childhood. I thanked her. Instead of replying “You’re welcome,” she would shout “Thank you!” right back to me. I told her I loved her and told her to rest her eyes so that her headache would go away. “I love you too,” came leaping off of her tongue until she finally rested her head down to rest. Then I left so that she could sleep. Like countless times before, I couldn’t help but to succumb to tears when walking out of her room.

It’s painful to see the cycle of life taking its toll on my Lola… because I have so much love for her ~ even if I fail to visit her often, the love is there.

I can almost guarantee that she won’t remember I went to visit her, or that I’ve been there many times before. But if I could make her happy for the few moments I get to spend with her during my visits, that time I spend beside her is worth every second. I’ll admit, however, that my visits are mostly selfish. I do it mostly for me… so that I can spend as much time with her as possible. I want to tell her that I love her, and thank her over and over and over for being such a driving force in my life… before God decides it’s time to make room for another blessed Angel.