Daniel Siegel – In Your Eyes

[I haven't had much material to reflect upon or to write about as I am currently not obsessing over any one thing or any one person. I've been emotionally sound/fixed/constant within the recent months ~ and we all know that emotional stability is NOT the best resource for a borderline psychotic blog entry drafted into graceful words. eh. BUT I did manage to dream about the last guy to sweep me off of my feet ~ which knocked me over reeeealll hard. and well, that gave me something to write about.]

I had a very intoxicating dream last night. A very heady dream. It wasn’t the first of its kind. It follows a line of many that have managed to ambush my psyche within the passing months. They showcase the same character over and over and over. Sometimes the dreams are good, sometimes they are bad. Regardless the outcome, I am always eager to pen every fine detail of any dream with the presence of this particular person.

What? Write down my dreams? Perhaps I am preparing for the day when I find myself detatched from the emotional baggage of today, and am wise enough to look back in an attempt to piece together that which I cannot begin to understand right now. The feelings may still be too raw for me to digest. Maybe in a year, two years, three years.. I will have taken my head out of the clouds and onto a surface where I am able to see a bit more clearly.

Or perhaps it is my goal to never forget the sheer cruelty of these dreams ~ even the good ones that seem grandiose on a scale of pleasure.

Every dream involving said person feels so real. But this dream ~ this particular dream was warm. Warm like a familiar embrace encompassing everything graceful in the world. An addictive embrace that made my real-world body beg for complete silence in the room ~ as to not awaken me from the trance-like sublime. Because it would be fact, and not a “maybe”, that upon opening my eyes, I would be embracing that which has turned into dust.

Dreams, daydreams, whatever ~ I have to ration myself and regulate my capacity to out-dream. Because when we fall out of trance, we realize that our dreams also fall ~ fall flat of the truth. And what we hoped to be true gradually fades to black.

So, as I do every night, I pray for Sand Man to take him out of my dreams. For when I lie here in bed, the only thing I should be kissing is the sky.