DHT – Listen to Your Heart

I am embarrassed that I allowed my high expectations to lead to such a high degree of widespread confusion and disappointment, turning an otherwise cool and collected young woman into an insecure and unsure little girl. How can one who seemed so perfect to me not so long ago, quickly transform into a coward seeking refuge in the miles that separate us? While I hate to admit it, I’ve been warily negotiating my feelings within the recent weeks, and have tried hard to look at this situation with understanding and acceptance. At the end of the day, I long for something to be angry at ~ to make this already prolonged process pass by a bit more smoothly. I can’t find a reason to be angry, for with the exception of this one thing, I have a harmonious and satisfying blend of family, social life, and the excitement of starting a career.

It takes more than playful messages that become widespread in timing with each passing month. Inconsistent intervals of thoughtful e-mails that feed a dying a hope for a hopeful woman aren’t cutting it anymore. Making plans and bailing out are cowardly. It’s just so difficult to look back and recall how kind and tender you’ve been ~ even if at times I made horrible decisions that may have knocked things off center. You are so giving, willing, unbelievably smart, and so very kind, so very kind. That’s what kills me.